How to Retire as a Disaster Necromancer (at 16!)
Retiring at 16? As a disaster necromancer? That's… ambitious. Let's assume you've already achieved a level of necromantic prowess sufficient to cause, and then (presumably) clean up, significant disasters. This isn't about summoning a horde of undead squirrels to raid your neighbor's prize-winning pumpkin patch; we're talking serious necromancy. Retirement in this context needs careful planning. Your legacy (and perhaps your afterlife) depend on it!
What does retirement even mean for a disaster necromancer?
Before diving into the practicalities, we need to define "retirement." For most, it means ceasing employment and enjoying leisure. But for a disaster necromancer, it might involve:
- Reduced disaster-causing activity: This could involve scaling back the scope of your necromantic projects. Instead of unleashing plagues of locusts, maybe just… slightly influencing the local weather.
- Increased disaster prevention: Perhaps you'll channel your skills into protecting communities from natural disasters, using your understanding of necromantic energies to predict and mitigate threats. Think reverse necromancy—a heroic turn!
- Passing the torch (carefully!): Mentoring a successor is crucial. It’s essential to find a student who shares your commitment to ethical (or at least, consistent) disaster management. Think of it as leaving the world a better (or at least, less chaotic) place.
- Diversification: Your necromantic abilities might translate to lucrative – and less destructive – ventures. Think of creating high-demand fertilizer using… uniquely sourced materials, or maybe consulting for disaster relief organizations (disclosure of necromantic involvement may be tricky here).
How much gold do I need to retire comfortably? (Seriously, how much?)
This depends entirely on your lifestyle. Do you plan to live in a modest cottage, or a palatial crypt? Will you need an army of undead servants (a large maintenance budget, that one), or are you happy with a few skeletal assistants? Remember that gold isn't everything; maintaining your undead workforce might require a regular supply of… ethically sourced… ingredients. Factor this into your retirement plan!
What if my retirement plan involves a slow, mysterious disappearance?
The "vanishing act" is a classic necromancer retirement strategy. But careful planning is essential. Consider:
- A believable cover story: Did you sail off into the sunset to study ancient scrolls? Did you join a monastery dedicated to… alternative spirituality?
- Severing ties (discreetly): Do you have any enemies who might find your retirement inconvenient? A carefully orchestrated disappearance might be necessary to ensure peace and quiet. This is where your necromantic skills might come in handy… perhaps strategically placed illusions and misleading undead scouts.
- Ensuring the continued operation (or lack thereof) of your schemes: Some disaster plans might require long-term maintenance. If you're retiring early, someone will need to take over or neutralise them. Leaving behind detailed instructions (or, conversely, strategically obfuscated ones) will determine your post-retirement legacy.
What are the legal implications of retiring as a disaster necromancer?
This depends heavily on the legal system in your area. If necromancy is illegal, your retirement strategy might involve relocation to a more lenient jurisdiction (or, again, that carefully orchestrated disappearance). Consider consulting with a lawyer specializing in… unusual legal matters.
Isn’t it irresponsible to retire at 16, leaving behind all this chaotic potential?
Yes, possibly. Retiring this young requires a highly structured plan, ensuring the stability (or at least, manageable chaos) of the world you’re leaving behind. The responsible option might involve a phased retirement, slowly handing over responsibilities, rather than a sudden drop-off.
Retiring as a disaster necromancer at 16 is, to put it mildly, unconventional. However, with careful planning, a well-defined retirement plan, and possibly a healthy dose of necromantic ingenuity, it might just be achievable. Remember, responsible retirement is key to a peaceful – and potentially undead-free – afterlife.
